It's from the title of the novel I've written,
Edward Teller Dreams of Barbecuing People. You can read the first
chapter here.
I think your novel's title is in poor taste.
In the vein of the television smash sensation Jeopardy, you must
state your question in the form of a question.
Isn't your novel's title in poor taste?
It's a double pun. The first chapter makes clear one half of the pun, the
other half is explained a few chapters later. The book makes no claim of
access to Dr. Teller's id. It does, however, make fun of hippies, the public
education system, and weapons of mass destruction.
Where can I get the novel?
It is unpublished as of now.
concordance?">What is a concordance?
An alphabetical listing of every word mentioned in a book or work of
writing. Concordances are often made of the Bible (for preachers to find
verses pertaining to their next sermon), the plays of Shakespeare (for English
professors to find lines pertaining to their next lecture), and the skits of
Monty Python's Flying Circus (for socially inept nerds to quote endlessly
at their next online chat session).
Are you dead?">Are you dead?
Not so far as I can tell.
raised by wolves in Hope, Arkansas?">Were you really raised by wolves in Hope, Arkansas?
Yep.
Do you have any really cool quotes from books you've read?
How convenient you asked:
Suck.com. What'd they publish?">Interstate highways are the veins and arteries by which crime circulates in America. Serial killers seem to float through them like blood cells, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Crimes committed along interstate highways ought to be considered extraterritorially, apart from the normal rules of geography, and separate from a state's good name. These huge highways form a kind of fifty-first state of their own, a state whose flower is the deadly nightshade and whose state bird is the vulture.Some day I plan on writing a book based on this quote. It will have nothing to do with serial killers.
— William R. Maples, Dead Men Do Tell Tales
Your bio once mentioned you were published in the now-long-deceased dot-com phenom Suck.com. What'd they publish?
This.
Get paid?
Suck.com was glibly proud of being one of the first Internet content site to
accept advertising dollars, and indeed, they promised me two hundred fat
dollars for my work. I never saw the check.
Why'd you quit mentioning Suck.com in your bio?
It happened so long ago, it's barely worth mentioning.
Then why'd you mention it in the first place?
You really seem to want to know a lot about Suck.com. Perhaps you should
check Wikipedia. I won't link to the entry for you. You can type.
What about the now-long-deceased dot-com phenom FEED?
They published a short essay I penned on Heavy Metal magazine.
Get paid?
They promised me fifty bucks for the thing. Unlike Suck.com, they got the
check to me. It only took three clangy emails to get it cut and stuffed into
a stamped envelope.
Irony?
FEED was staid and had a grunge sort of attitude about it, kind of
The New Yorker in a plaid flannel shirt and torn-up jeans, yet
they at least kept up their end of the bargain. Suck.com loved to print
pieces ripping apart the Dot-com Fantasyland, especially how the stiff
corporate types up top consistently administered the Royal Screw-ola to the
Joe Six-Packs in the cubicle farms. Two hundred bucks was hardly a screw job,
but back in 1996 I was tilling rows in the cubicle fields, and as with the
Silicon Valley corporations I slaved for, they left me holding the bag.
Bitter after all these years?
Not at all. Seriously.
